


This Year To Save me From Tears I'll Give It To Someone Special

by sadsongssaysomuch



Category: Actor RPF, Political Animals
Genre: Chris is nice, Christmas, M/M, TJ deserves nice things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-03 09:59:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2846930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadsongssaysomuch/pseuds/sadsongssaysomuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Sebastian Stan Secret Santa Exchange!</p><p>Because TJ deserves nice things, especially at Christmas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Year To Save me From Tears I'll Give It To Someone Special

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WhatTheBodyGraspsNot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatTheBodyGraspsNot/gifts).



TJ perched on the edge of his couch, and tapped his fingers against his thigh impatiently as the line rang.

"Hello?" Douglas, answered. "TJ, is that you?"

"I just wanted to call and wish you Merry Christmas."

TJ heard his brother sigh through the phone. "You're really not coming home for the holidays?"

"I can't. Not this year. My therapist thinks it's better if I—"

"No, I understand,” Douglas interrupted him. “It just won’t be the same without seeing you tonight, exchanging gifts like we always do.”

“I know, I mailed you a present though, did you get it yet?”

“Oh, so that was the box Anne hid from me last week. Am I allowed to open it tonight, or do I have to wait until tomorrow?”

“Open it tonight, start a new tradition with Anne.”

“What, opening my brother’s gift while he’s thousands of miles away in LA?”

“No, don’t be like that.” It was TJ’s turn to sigh and he ran his free hand through his hair, making it stand on end.

“It’s fine TJ, I get it. Holidays with the Hammonds aren't exactly a stress free environment. It doesn't mean we won't miss you, TJ."

"I'm going to miss you guys too," he told his brother.

Douglas laughed. "Don't lie. You know you'll be glad not to have to listen to Mom and Dad try to be polite to each other. Or to Nana being Nana."

TJ grinned as Douglas launched into an eerily accurate description of Margaret. "You're right. I won't miss that stuff. But I'll miss being with family. Seeing you, and Anne."

"She's going to be disappointed you're not going to be there."

"Send her my love. And tell Mom that I'll call her tomorrow."

"I will. Any chance you'll come home for New Years?"

"Probably not. But never say never," TJ said with a laugh.

"Just take care of yourself, okay?"

"Thanks, Dougie. I will. You too... I love you man," he told his brother.

There was a second of quiet before Douglas answered. "Love you too, TJ. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas. Bye."

TJ hit the ‘end call’ button on the phone, his shoulders sagging in resignation. It would be strange being away from his family on Christmas. But it was for the best, he reminded himself. He was eight months out of rehab and he wasn’t going to slide back into his old habits. Not this time.

He tucked his phone in the pocket of his jeans and scrubbed his hands across his face. Looking around his apartment it was easy to see that he lived alone. The furniture was all brand new and the living room was uncluttered, just like the rest of the place. He hadn’t bothered to decorate for Christmas, there wasn’t any point when he was all alone.

He refused to spend the holidays moping around his apartment though; at least not on Christmas Eve. He had something to do, somewhere where people actually appreciated him. One of the things his therapist had insisted on when TJ got out of rehab was volunteer work. Dr. Flynn had told TJ that it was something he thought was good for the soul and had the added benefit of helping others. He couldn’t pinpoint the reason, but TJ had decided to volunteer at a soup kitchen. He didn’t have any experience working with food, not really, but in the end it didn’t matter. He was friendly, could pretend to be enthusiastic about something until he really was and he learned quickly. It started as mandatory, for his post-rehab therapy, but it had become a habit to spend several nights a week serving dinners to homeless people and needy families at St. Mary’s Soup Kitchen.

He drove the familiar route to St. Mary’s and parked in the small lot. There were a few people milling around outside, waiting for the time they would begin serving dinner. He waved to the older woman leaning against the lamppost near the kitchen door.

“Hey Molly!” he said, giving her a wave.

Molly graced TJ with a toothless grin. “TJ, I hoped you were comin’ tonight.” She reached into her voluminous pockets and drew out a cigarette and a pack of matches. She lit the cigarette, inhaling deeply as she tucked the matches back inside of her jacket.

“I’m always here on Wednesdays,” he reminded her. “Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, Molly.”

“I know that, but it’s Christmas Eve, I thought maybe you’d have other plans,” she said, blowing a cloud of smoke towards TJ.

TJ waved the smoke away and stepped closer to the door. “How could I make other plans when it would mean missing your beautiful face,” TJ said, winking at Molly.

Molly broke into laughter that turned into a coughing fit. TJ watched with concern while she caught her breath. “Good, you’ll finally get to meet my friend tonight,” she told him happily.

He nodded. Molly had been talking about her friend, Chris, for the last month or two. Somehow, he never seemed to be there on the days that TJ was volunteering, but Molly never stopped talking about him. “Sure. Maybe tonight’s the night, Molly,” he said as he reached for the door. “If Chris shows up, you bring him by to say hello.” He pulled open the door and gave Molly a wave, knowing he’d see her later.

As he entered the kitchen, the smell of roasting turkey washed over him like a warm wave. Inhaling deeply, TJ hung his jacket on the rack by the doorway to the kitchen and smiled at the teenager who stood stirring an enormous stainless steel bowl full of mashed potatoes. A smaller bowl of glazed carrots stood on the table, and a woman was arranging unbaked rolls in a pan. Other people bustled around the kitchen, checking the turkeys roasting in the bank of large ovens along one wall, washing dishes and doing whatever else needed to be done.

"TJ! You made it!" the teen exclaimed, dropping the spoon he was stirring with and coming around the table to give TJ a hug.

"Andrew, how are you? You makin’ the mashed potatoes?" TJ asked, clapping Andrew on the back. Andrew was a frequent volunteer at St. Mary’s along with his mother. Andrew also had Down syndrome and liked to hug _everyone_.

"I’m good TJ. I’m in charge of the mashed potatoes. You have to do something else this time."

"Sure, no problem Andrew." TJ grinned as he looked around the small kitchen. "Where's Anna?" he asked Andrew’s mother, Charlene.

Charlene smiled at TJ. “Finish that batch of mashed potatoes, Andrew,” she reminded her son, “We have to make four more bowls like that.” She turned her attention to TJ once she was sure Andrew was focusing on the food. "She's out in the dining room, I think, but I know she wants you on turkey carving duty. She mentioned it earlier when we were here getting everything set up."

"I’ll head out there, I’m sure she’s looking for me. Thanks, Charlene,” he said. As he turned to walk through the double doors leading from the kitchen to the dining area, Andrew called his name and he stopped, “Yeah?”

“TJ, I almost forgot! Chris is coming today!” Andrew said excitedly.

“Is he really?” TJ asked, humoring Andrew the same way he had Molly. “He a buddy of yours? Molly’s been telling me how I needed to meet Chris too.”

Andrew nodded, stirring the mashed potatoes a final time before looking back up at TJ. “Chris is awesome! He gives _really_ good hugs, TJ.”

“Thanks buddy, I’ll keep that in mind.” TJ smiled and shook his head, pushing through the doors to the dining room.

TJ found Anna standing in front of a long table. The table was draped in a long, white tablecloth, something that reminded TJ of all the State dinners he had been forced to attend at the White House. She looked up, greeting him from across the room, "TJ, honey, how nice to see you!" She always sounded pleasantly surprised, as though she didn’t seem him here several times a week.

“Hey, Anna.” He nodded at her, crossing the dining room. “You want me on turkey duty?”

Anna pushed her graying auburn hair back from her face and smiled at TJ. She was in charge of the soup kitchen at St. Mary’s and the hard work she put into her job showed on her face. “I thought it would be the best place for you. You’re a recognizable face here, and we’ve got another special volunteer tonight. I want the two of you serving the turkey.”

TJ frowned, shuffling his feet. “Anna… I’m not a celebrity, people here recognize me because I’m the guy who helps fill their plates. And I like it that way, I don’t want it to be because of who my parents are or the stuff they’ve seen me on the news or in the tabloids for.”

Anna came around the side of the table and place a hand on TJ’s arm. “Honey, I know you started coming here because you _had_ to. But I also know you keep coming back because you _want_ to. I’m not asking you to do anything besides serve turkey and be nice to Chris,” she said, trying to put him at ease.

“Alright, who is this Chris everyone keeps talking about? Molly’s been telling me about him for the last month and now tonight, even Andrew was talking about him.”

Anna withdrew her hand from TJ’s arm and covered her mouth. She made a sound halfway between a laugh and a gasp. “Oh my goodness...”

“What?” TJ narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. “Anna?” he asked cautiously.

“I forgot to tell you, didn’t I?” She dropped her hand, smiling broadly. “I didn’t remember that you haven’t actually been here on the nights that Chris has.”

“Obviously not. So, what’s so special about Chris?”

“Honey, it’s _Chris Evans_ , the actor. He’s been coming here to volunteer once a week, usually on a Sunday. He’s coming out tonight because we’re expecting a bigger turnout since it’s Christmas Eve. And he’s such a sweetheart, he really wanted to help.”

TJ recognized the name, and he tried to recall the face that went with it. “Right,” he nodded. “So, Chris is serving the turkey with me?”

“Well, I hoped that you’d carve it and he could serve, but I’ll let you two work out the details between yourselves.” Anna pointed to the large, sharp knife resting on the table.  She laughed, shaking her head. "I’ll leave you to it, Chris should be here shortly. I’d better go check and see how things are doing in the kitchen,” she said before buzzing away.

TJ made sure the table was set up to carve and serve the turkeys when they were ready to be brought out of the kitchen. When he was satisfied that everything looked like it was in place, he went back to the kitchen to see what else he could do to help. He pushed open the double doors and nearly ran into someone carrying a large turkey in a roasting pan.

“Oh, sorry,” TJ apologized, stepping to the right to move out of the way. Unfortunately, the man holding the turkey moved in the same direction and they awkwardly danced around the doorway for a few seconds. 

“Hey, I’ll go right, you stay put.”

TJ’s eyes were fixed on the perfect golden-brown turkey, but he looked up at the sound of the mirthful voice. He found himself staring into a pair of gorgeous blue eyes. Neither of them moved until Andrew came up to the doorway.

“TJ! This is Chris! Did you meet Chris?” Andrew asked, trying to push past Chris to come through the door with a bowl of mashed potatoes. In his enthusiasm, Andrew bumped into Chris, pushing him towards TJ.

“I’m TJ,” he said, introducing himself, “I’d offer to shake your hand but…”

“Yeah, my hands are a little full right now.” Chris flashed TJ a smile and lifted the roast pan slightly.

“You have to kiss!” Andrew interrupted.

“No, buddy, that’s not how you introduce yourself to someone,” Chris said patiently.

“No, you’re under the mistletoe! You have to kiss!” Andrew crowed gleefully.

TJ looked up to find a sprig of mistletoe hanging in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining area. He looked back down quickly, his eyes meeting Chris’ again.

Chris’ eyes widened slightly and a blush crept across his cheeks. “Uh, no, Andrew… buddy, we’re not gonna kiss right now…” Chris trailed off awkwardly, looking to TJ for help.

“We’ve got to get this turkey out there, Andrew. Those mashed potatoes too,” TJ said, suddenly stepping back to let Chris through the doorway. “Everyone’s going to be here soon and we don’t want to disappoint anyone if the food isn’t ready.” He mentally gave himself a pat on the back for his quick thinking, because truthfully the idea of kissing Chris under the mistletoe made his heart beat a little faster.

“Oh, right. I need to put this bowl of mashed potatoes on the table and go get the rest,” Andrew said, still, moving past Chris and TJ.

Chris smiled at TJ, still looking a little flustered. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure what to tell him, I didn’t want to be rude, but you know... We just met and all.”

“Yeah, Andrew is a sweet kid,” TJ said, watching the teen put the bowl carefully on the table and turn back towards the kitchen. “You’d better put the turkey over there.” He pointed towards the end of the table where the carving knife was waiting. “I’m going to grab another one and bring it out.” He didn’t wait around to watch and see if Chris deposited the turkey he was carrying onto the table or not.

Get it together, TJ. You’re here to help, not drool over Mister tall, bearded, broad shouldered movie star. TJ wasn’t one to be star struck, and he _wasn’t_ , but he was struck by just how handsome Chris Evans was. Hell, he might have to check out some of his movies.

When he returned with another turkey, people were already entering the dining room. Chris stood by the turkeys and looked at TJ expectantly as he approached. “You’re going to carve them? That’s what Anna said, but if you don’t want to—”

“I’m fine with carving, if you want to serve.”

“Sure, that’d be great.” Chris smiled, flashing TJ a grin full of perfect white teeth.

TJ took up the knife and started slicing the turkey and placing the pieces on the platter in front of Chris. They worked for a few minutes in silence. Conversations flowed around them now that the first turkeys were out to be carved and people were lining up for their meals. As the first few people came through the line, each food scooped onto the plates by a different volunteer, TJ and Chris found an easy routine, working companionably.  St. Mary’s had the dinner assembly line down to a fine art, and Chris seemed familiar enough with the routine to keep up with the pace TJ worked at.

TJ found himself watching Chris as they worked. He seemed at ease talking to everyone who passed through the line, but not only that. He was handsome as hell and TJ came close to slicing his fingers instead of the turkey a few times because he was too busy staring at Chris instead of watching what he was doing.

 “So, Chris, brings you here?" TJ asked when they had gone through nearly all of the six turkeys and there was no one else in line for food. His arms were sore from carving the turkeys but looking at all the people getting a warm meal when they normally wouldn’t have, made it worth it.

"Same as you, don't you think?" Chris favored him with a raised eyebrow. He gathered up the serving utensils they had used and started towards the kitchen. "I started coming here to research for a role, for the movie I’m filming now. I kept coming back because I like being able to help people. I can’t make it home to Boston for the holidays, they need me to stick around to finish shooting, so I thought I’d volunteer my time and help other people have a good Christmas."

 TJ followed Chris into the kitchen, carrying a pan of dirty dishes. "I haven't seen you here before. Apparently we’ve been missing each other. I have to say that when Molly told me I should meet her friend Chris, I had no idea it would be you." He dumped the pan of dishes into the sink, stepping back to avoid being splashed by the soapy water.

Chris stepped up behind him, dumping another pan into the sink. "Yeah, I know the feeling. Everyone’s been telling me about how great you are to have around, they’re used to celebrities I guess.

TJ looked at Chris out of the corner of his eye. Chris didn’t seem to be making fun of him, he smiled easily, reaching into the sink to wash dishes. "Yeah, the druggie son of an ex-president, I’m not sure how my celebrity status compares to yours."

Chris wrung out the dishcloth and straightened up. "Don’t you mean _ex-druggie_ son of an ex-president?”

TJ smiled and shook his head, a snarky retort on his lips. He grabbed a towel and started drying the dishes that Chris was washing. “I’m still an addict. Just because I went through rehab, _again_ , doesn’t change that.” He looked over to see handsome blue eyes watching him. He smiled and shook his head, and pushed a pan of dry dishes down the line to be put away. "You’re still a bigger celebrity."

There were no more dishes waiting so Chris grabbed a towel and dried his hands, scanning the kitchen to see what else needed to be done. “I guess,” he said with a shrug. “But I’m not here to be Chris Evans, movie star. I’m here to be Chris, the guy who helps feed the homeless.”

Anna came by at that moment, wiping her hands on her apron. “Why are you two hiding out in the kitchen? I appreciate the hard work, but there are people out there waiting to talk to you.” She smiled and Chris stepped forward, scuffing his feet.

“Right, I’ll take over here,” TJ told Chris, “You go ahead.”

"No, TJ, Molly’s out there looking for you, a lot of the other regulars too. Both of you need to get out of the kitchen,” Anna said, shooing them away.

They both joined the crowd in the dining room. TJ watched people asking Chris for his autograph, complimenting on his movies. For once, TJ wasn’t the center of attention and that as fine with him.

“You finally met Chris!” Molly said as she shuffled over to TJ. “I told you he was a great guy.”

“I did meet him, Molly,” TJ answered. He glanced at Chris, surrounded by a ring of children and parents and shook his head, laughing softly. “He’s a nice guy.” Chris looked up from the small boy he was signing an autograph for and their eyes met briefly, before TJ looked away.

Molly cackled, patting TJ on the back. “He’s not just a nice guy, he’s a pretty handsome one too. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice,” she said, pretending to be scandalized.

TJ was saved from answering when Andrew and Charlene came over to tell him goodbye and wish him a Merry Christmas.

When people began to leave and things were mostly cleaned up, TJ checked with Anna to see if there was anything else he could do before he left.

“If you’d be a sweetheart and take out this garbage, that would be the best,” Anna said, smiling wearily.

“I’ll help too,” Chris said, suddenly appearing at TJ’s side.

“Excellent,” Anna said, pointing them towards the large black bags full of trash. “Thank you both so much for tonight, and for everything. You don’t know how much I appreciate it.” Anna gave Chris a quick hug and then embraced TJ. “Merry Christmas, TJ. Be safe, alright?”

He nodded, pulling away. “I will, thank you Anna.”

Chris grabbed two of the large bags and not to be outdone, TJ grabbed the other two. They walked outside together, into the dark parking lot. After they hauled the bags to the dumpster and threw them in, Chris stretched, arching his back until a loud popping noise echoed into the parking lot. "If I never see another turkey dinner again, it will be too soon," he groaned.

Leaning against the side of the building, TJ asked, "What about a cheeseburger?"

"What?"

"A cheeseburger, Chris..." he said again. And then it dawned on TJ what he'd done, and he faltered.

"Are you asking me to dinner?" Chris asked him. There was no sarcasm in Chris’ tone, just curiosity.

"Well, yeah. I guess I am." He was sure Chris wouldn’t be interested in anything besides sharing a meal, that he wouldn’t think of it as anything close to a date.

" _Dinner_ , dinner?"

It was TJ's turn to ask, "What?"

Chris rolled his eyes and smiled, flashing his pearly whites. "Are you asking me out?"

It took a few seconds for TJ to get himself together. At least the circumstances were casual enough; if he said yes, and Chris turned him down, they could chalk it up to exhaustion and forget about it. "Yeah, I guess I am. Would you like to grab something to eat with me?"

A slow, tired smile spread across Chris's face. "That sounds like a great idea. I know a great place down the street from my hotel. They’ve got awesome burgers and they serve—”

Chris paused and looked at TJ, frowning. “Shit, never mind. Sorry. They’ve got great burgers… But maybe we should go somewhere else?”

“Were you going to say they serve great beer too? It’s okay if they do, Chris. I’m not going to avoid going places because there might be alcohol.”

“You sure?” Chris asked, smiling hesitantly.

"I’m sure." A cheeseburger and fries sounded like the perfect Christmas dinner. Maybe dessert. TJ had never cared that much for turkey, anyway. “I’ll drive.”

“Great,” Chris said, smiling easily. “That saves me from getting a cab.”

* * * *

TJ tried to settle into the molded plastic booth, a near impossible task. They’d ordered, both of them trying one of the burgers that the little restaurant was known for. They were the only diners there and Christmas music filtered through the speakers, Frank Sinatra crooning _Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas_.

Chris hummed along as he ate, something he didn’t seem to realize he was doing until he caught TJ staring at him.

“What?” Chris asked, swallowing a bite of burger and shrugging. “I really love Christmas music.”

“I got that.” TJ watched as Chris licked his lips before taking a sip of his beer. TJ had told Chris he didn’t mind, and it was true. “This one of your favorite songs?” he asked.

Chris nodded. “You can’t go wrong with Sinatra.” He grinned as the song ended and a new one started. “Or Johnny Mathis.”

TJ cocked his head, listening to the song and a few seconds later, Chris started softly singing.

“ _It's the most wonderful time of the year. It's the hap -happiest season of all. With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings. When friends come to call. It's the hap - happiest season of all_.” Chris blushed and stopped singing. “Sorry, I just really love this time of year.”

“And here you are in LA, spending the holidays alone. Why was that again?”

Chris sighed. “I’m stuck here in LA over Christmas because we’re trying to wrap up filming but we keep having to delay because of the weather. I really wanted to be at home in Boston, with my family.”

“You’re really close to your family?” TJ asked, sensing that Chris was unhappy to be so far from Boston, from home.

“Yeah. We’re a tight knit bunch. I’ll Skype with everyone tomorrow, but it won’t be the same, you know? What about you, you’re awfully far from your family too, how are you dealing with it?”

TJ laughed wryly. “Well, I’ll miss some of the stuff that goes along with celebrating Christmas with my family, but I just can’t do it right now. Not if I want to stay clean.”

“How long has it been,” Chris asked quietly.

TJ flicked his tongue out, wetting his lips. “Eight months, two weeks and three days.”

“That’s awesome, man.” Chris finished off the rest of his burger and his voice was sincere, his smile genuine has he spoke again. “So, what about you? Any favorite Christmas songs?”

“Nah, no way am I telling you what it is. My brother already gives me enough shit for it.” He laughed, reaching for the dessert menu.

“C’mon, it can’t be that bad. Is it Mariah Carey? The Chipmunks, what?”

TJ tried to ignore Chris, hiding behind the dessert menu. “You want anything? It all looks good.”

“No, I’m not a big dessert guy, but tell me, what’s your favorite Christmas song?”

TJ lowered the menu. “Fine, it’s _Last Christmas_ ,” he admitted before bringing the menu up in front of his face again.

Chris nearly choked on the sip of beer he’d just taken. When his coughing subsided, he grabbed the menu from TJ’s hands, pulling it down so he could see TJ’s face. “Are you shitting me? _Last Christmas_ , as in Wham?

TJ’s eyes darted from side to side, finally landing on Chris. “Yeah, that’s the one. You’re as bad as my brother. I don’t care, I’ve always loved it, it’s my go-to Christmas jam.”

Chris stifled a laugh. “Okay, so tell me more about yourself. I thought I knew about you, since you grew up in the public eye, but apparently I don’t.”

“There’s not really much to say. I’m the family fuck-up. That’s why I’m not going home for Christmas, because dealing with the insanity that is my family and the overabundance of temptation…” TJ shook his head. “I just couldn’t do it.”

“Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. You’ve done good things out here, Anna was telling me about you, how you’ve been volunteering.”

TJ placed the dessert menu in front of him, covering it with his hands. “Sure, I—”

“Hey, TJ,” Chris said, placing his hand over TJ’s, “Nobody’s perfect. I wasn’t asking about that stuff, just tell me more about you, like are you seeing anyone? What do you do for fun out here?”

“No. I haven’t had the best of luck with relationships in the past. I’m trying to just straighten myself out before I get involved with anyone. So the fun I have now is nothing like the kind of fun I used to have.” TJ smiled crookedly. “But that’s fine. I’ve spend a lot of time volunteering at St. Mary’s, going to meetings, I’ve been working on some new compositions, nothing special.”

“Compositions? For the piano?”

“Yeah, it’s something that’s always made me happy. Who knows, maybe if things had gone differently I could have ended up a concert pianist.”

The waitress interrupted them then, “Can I get either of you any dessert?” she asked.

“None for me, thanks.” Chris said. “I’m not a big dessert guy. But I’ll take another beer.”

“Sure thing,” the waitress said, smiling at him. “Anything for you?” she asked, turning to TJ.

“Hmm, yeah I think I’ll have a banana split.”

“Sure thing, I’ll bring that right out for you,” she said, disappearing into the back.

While they waited, TJ tried to turn the conversation away from himself and to Chris. “I guess I should admit, I don’t think I’ve actually seen any of your movies.”

“What?” Chris feigned shock, placing a hand over his chest. He laughed, throwing his head back. “You’re kidding, right? So you’ve never even seen me play Captain America?”

“No, I definitely would have remembered that,” TJ told him.’

Chris began listing other roles he had played but none of them sounded familiar.

The waitress reappeared with TJ’s banana split and Chris’ beer. As she slid the dessert onto the table in front of TJ, it suddenly hit him. He _had_ seen one of Chris’ movies.

TJ froze holding his spoon halfway to his mouth and looked at Chris. Chris was talking about a movie he had done called _Sunshine_ , that he seemed proud of, if his enthusiasm was anything to go by. TJ could only think of the movie he knew he’d seen Chris in though. He looked at his banana split and then looked back at Chris, fighting a laugh.

Chris stopped talking, a look of confusion crossing his face. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re going to hate me… I just realized I _have_ seen one of your movies.”

“So which one was it?” Chris asked, smiling.

TJ said nothing, only pushed the banana split closer to Chris, licking the whipped cream off his spoon.

Chris scratched a hand across the top of his head. “Well, aren’t you going to tell me which movie it was?” He laughed, a deep, easy sound.

TJ raised his eyebrows and nodded at the banana split sitting between them.

Chris’ face turned bright red, and he bit his lip, dropping his gaze from TJ’s face to his lap. He groaned, finally looking up at TJ, his cheeks still flushed. “Oh God. No, tell me that of all my movies, that isn’t the only one you’ve seen,” Chris said, rolling his eyes.

TJ let loose a laugh, dropping the spoon into the dish of ice cream.

“Seriously, how have you only seen _Not Another Teen Movie_ and none of the movies that I did that you know, actually didn’t suck?” Chris asked, struggling to regain his composure and pushing the banana split back towards TJ.

TJ shrugged, picking up the spoon again and scooping up a bite of ice cream. “Not sure really,” he said, bringing the spoon to his lips. He swallowed the bite and went back for a second. “I’m going to have to now though.”

Chris sipped at his beer thoughtfully. “Please do. Actually, it’s funny. You might want to check out the Captain America movies, my co-star, well… he kind of looks a little like you.”

TJ listened to Chris talk about his experiences playing Captain America, those movies were definitely going to be on the top of his list to watch. The conversation flowed easily. Chris was easy to talk to, and it was no hardship to listen to him talk. When Chris was passionate about a subject, he articulated with his hands, gesturing wildly. It was adorable how a grown man could show so much enthusiasm. But Chris wasn’t just adorable, he was handsome as hell and TJ found himself unable to look away. He didn’t know how long they’d been sitting there, but before he knew it, his banana split was mostly gone and Chris was finishing his fourth beer.

Chris toyed with the label on his beer bottle, fingers slipping as TJ let his spoon clatter into the empty dish. “We should probably call it a night,” he said, pulling out his wallet.

“I’m pretty sure the waitress has been shooting daggers at us for the last hour,” TJ laughed, adding money to pay for his share of the check. They left the money on the table along with a generous tip for the waitress.

When they stepped into the parking lot, Chris looked up at the sky and scowled. “Nope, doesn’t seem like Christmas at all.”

“That’s Christmas in LA, I guess. Hey, do you want a ride back to your hotel?” TJ asked, dangling his keys between his outstretched fingers.

“That’d be great.” Chris opened the passenger side door of TJ’s car and slid into his seat.

The interior of the car seemed warmer and smaller than before, but it could have just been Chris’ large frame filling up the space that TJ wasn’t used to sharing with anyone.

It wasn’t far to the hotel and TJ pulled into the parking lot, turning off the car’s engine. “We’re here,” he told Chris.

Chris seemed startled and he slid his hands along the knees of his jeans, opening and closing his palms. “Well, I guess this is goodnight then,” he said finally, looking at TJ, his blue eyes as wide as his smile.

TJ wanted to tell Chris not to go, wanted to ask to come up to his hotel room, to take him back to his apartment, anything not to let the night end. To not spend another night alone. But he wanted to take things slowly. He didn’t want to screw this up, whatever this could be, between them. So he simply said, “Merry Christmas, Chris.”

Chris reached out, pausing with his hand on the door handle. “You know… we actually owe each other a kiss.”

His words caught TJ off guard. “What’re you talking about?”

“Earlier, under the mistletoe, when Andrew wanted us to kiss.” Chris ran a finger under the collar of his shirt self-consciously. “I mean, if you want to, that is.”

TJ smiled lazily. “I wouldn’t say no.”

Not wasting any time, Chris leaned forward, wrapping an arm around TJ’s waist and kissed him.

TJ was barely able to draw a breath when Chris pulled away, his mouth open and lips moist. “I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” Chris stammered.

TJ nodded, lifting his hand to brush against Chris’ cheek, his eyes fixated on Chris’ mouth. “I did too.”

“Again?” Chris asked, sounding unsure.

TJ made an affirmative noise deep in his throat and shifted forward a bit to kiss Chris again.

For a few seconds, they were just kissing, plain and sweet. But TJ could taste the flavor of beer on Chris’ lips and he gave in to the fevered heat he could feel emanating off of Chris’ body. He opened his mouth, slipping his tongue between Chris’ parted lips. They grasped at each other and Chris made a muffled sound of surprise, so soft that TJ almost missed it.

TJ was torn between kissing Chris here in the car for hours, just making out like teenagers, savoring the bite of the beer on Chris’ kisses and dragging Chris upstairs to his hotel room.

Chris pulled back slightly, his solid chest heaving under TJ’s hands. He drew in a shaky breath, his eyes never leaving TJ’s. “I can’t tell you how much I want to take you upstairs with me.”

“Chris—”

“Shhh, TJ, hear me out,” Chris said softly. “I want to, I do. But I won’t. Because I’ve had four beers and I know you told me you don’t want to screw things up for yourself right now. So I won’t, even though I _really_ want to.”

TJ bit his tongue, feeling tears burn at the corners of his eyes. He’d heard Chris’ words, but all that seemed to be getting through was the negative, that Chris didn’t want him. “Sure, that’s fine Chris,” he said, straightening up and scooting back from Chris.

Chris reached out, his hand catching TJ’s jaw. “No, hear me out. I want to, I do. I want to spend more time with you. But not tonight, not like this.” He moved closer and kissed TJ, really kissed him with force and passion and all the things TJ didn’t think he’d ever feel, and it felt more like a beginning than an end.

Chris broke the kiss slowly and rested his forehead against TJ’s. “What are you doing on New Year’s Eve?” he asked.

“I didn’t really have any plans,” TJ told him. “I thought it best to avoid any parties, so I’ll probably spend the night on my couch watching movies.”

“What would you say to some company?” Chris asked softly.

“I’d like that,” TJ said, smiling.

Chris’ hand was on the door handle again and this time he opened the door slipping halfway out of the seat before he spoke again. “It’s a date then, you and me and your couch, on New Year’s Eve.”


	2. Cause You Have To Believe This Will Be My Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Semisonic's "This Will Be My Year"

New Year’s Eve arrived and TJ felt an almost overwhelming sense of panic. He wanted to see Chris again, absolutely, but he was also still worried about screwing things up. Was he in a good enough place even to start a relationship right now? Was this the start of a relationship?

His internal monologue was silenced when his doorbell rang. He opened the door to find Chris standing there with…

“Why are you carrying around a blanket?” TJ asked, his anxiety momentarily forgotten.

“My mom made me this blanket, and I take it with me everywhere. I figured if we were gonna watch movies and hang on your couch, it would be good to bring it. It’s great for cuddling under.”

TJ raised an eyebrow. “You know this _how_?” He led Chris inside his apartment and motioned to the couch.

Chris gave him a half smile, tossing the blanket over the back of the couch. “Just a guess.” He shrugged. “I’ve never actually cuddled _with_ anyone under it.” He turned to face TJ, his smile growing wider. “So, plans for the night?”

“I thought we could order Chinese and watch a movie or see what’s on TV, till midnight. I guess then we can catch the ball drop.” What he really wanted to do was spend a few hours making out with Chris under that god awful blanket, but he wasn’t about to say that. He still wasn’t sure exactly what Chris was expecting from the evening, or how Chris felt about him.

“Sure, Chinese is fine.” Chris leaned against the counter lazily. “Do you have a menu?”

TJ fished a menu from one of the kitchen drawers and handed it to Chris. “This is my go-to place for takeout. Decide what you want to eat and dinner is on me.”

“You sure?” Chris asked.  “I can pay.”

“Hey, it’s my place, you’re giving up partying on New Year’s Eve to spend it with me. The least I can do is pay for Chinese food.”

Chris took the menu from him and fixed his gorgeous blue eyes on TJ. “I’m not giving up anything, this is exactly where I want to be.”

TJ smiled, trying not to read too much into Chris’ words. He watched as Chris hummed over the menu and finally announced what he wanted.

“General Tsaos,” Chris said, looking up from the menu and smiling at TJ.

TJ gave him a half smile in return. “A number seven. Good choice. One of my favorites. I’m going with number eleven.”

Chris scanned the menu. “Chicken Lo Mein?”

“Yup. You want anything else?”

“Hmm, Maybe some of those Crab Rangoon things?” Chris asked, looking at TJ for his opinion.

“Sure, that’s fine. As long as I get the fortune cookies, I don’t care what else you want to order.”

“I’m good. You want me to call in the order?”

“No, it’s fine.” TJ pulled out his phone and scrolled through the saved numbers, glancing at Chris and shrugging apologetically. “Embarrassing, I know, but I’m a shit cook and a guys gotta eat.”

Chris laughed easily. “Yeah, I’m not a whiz in the kitchen either, I understand. I can manage a few things but there’s nothing that compares to my mom’s cooking.”

TJ laughed bitterly. “I don’t think my mom _ever_ cooked us a meal. I’m not sure she’d even know how…”

Chris sighed heavily. “Maybe—”

“What?”

Chris bit his lip and shook his head. “Never mind. It was silly.”

TJ cocked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. If Chris wanted to be secretive he had the right. It’s not like there weren’t things he kept secret too.

When the food had been ordered and the man from the restaurant assured TJ the food would be there within thirty minutes, he ended the call and turned to Chris. “So, half hour to kill. You want to start watching TV?”

“Sure. TV, a movie, I’m flexible.”

TJ bit his lip, biting back a question about just how flexible Chris really was. “Hey, you know. Speaking of movies,” he finally said. “I watched your Captain America flicks.”

“Oh yeah?” Chris grinned, settling onto TJ’s couch. “So, what’d you think?”

TJ shook his head, sitting down on the other end of the couch. “Well, Captain America’s friend, Bucky?  Who’s the guy that played him, Sebastian Stan? He looks _nothing_ like me! I think you’re nuts!”

“What? You’re telling me you don’t see it?” Chris sounded genuinely shocked.

“No, I mean, dark hair and similar colored eyes, but…” TJ shook his head. “Sorry, Chris. I don’t see it.”

Chris shook his head again, giving a small laugh, but he dropped the subject.

“Here, you can man the remote,” TJ said, offering Chris the choice of what to watch.

 “So, what’s your favorite show?” Chris asked, flipping through the channels.

“Of all time, probably _The West Wing_ ,” TJ answered automatically.

Chris raised an eyebrow. “Sure, I can see that. One question though, why is your DVR full of _Dancing with the Stars_ and _Cake Boss_?”

TJ sighed. “Because it’s stupid mindless entertainment and even if I’m tired as hell or back when I would get stoned out of my mind, I could still follow what was happening.”

“Okay, sure. That makes a lot of sense.”

TJ glanced over at Chris to see that his expression was sincere.  “I also like to dabble in _Say Yes to the Dress_ and _Bridezilla_ , just because no matter how shitty I’m feeling about myself, the people on those shows always make me feel better about my status as a human being.”

As Chris listened, he continued to flip through the channels, occasionally pausing while his eyes left the screen to check TJ’s reaction. A horrified look crossed Chris’ face when he changed the channel and paused a little too long.

The slight pause was long enough for TJ to hear a familiar voice coming from the screen.

“That's right, bitches— I got a crossbow!”

Chris groaned and rapidly changed the channel.

“Wait, go back. What was that?” One of your movies… which one?” TJ asked.

“No, nothing,” Chris said a little too quickly.

“It was!” TJ exclaimed. “Go back, I wanna see!”

“Nope, not happening.” Chris leaned away from TJ, holding the remote as far as he could while continuing to change the channel rapidly.

TJ lunged towards Chris, grasping for the remote. “Would you just let me see?” He acted on impulse and hadn’t realized that he’d end up nearly in Chris’ lap in his quest for the remote. Chris felt solid and warm under his touch and even as he extended an arm and his fingers brushed the remote, he suddenly became more interested in touching Chris than getting control of the remote.

Chris swallowed and exhaled slowly. They were close enough that TJ felt Chris’ warm breath on his cheek.

Chris simply stared at him and his mouth opened to say something, to protest or _something_ and TJ lurched forward without thinking and sealed his mouth to Chris’ to prevent those words, whatever they were, from coming out.

He didn’t know why he did it at that moment, but it felt right. Chris’ lips were soft and dry against his and Chris sighed softly, dropping the remote to the carpet with a thud. With his hands free, he wrapped his arms around TJ and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.

They only broke apart at the sound of the door buzzer.

“Shit, that’s the food,” Chris said, sounding breathless.

“I should probably get that,” TJ mumbled, slipping out of Chris’s grasp. He stood, breathing in slowly and deeply before shouting loudly, “I’ll be right there!” Taking a second to gather his wits, he found his wallet and pasted a smile on his face.

He paid for the food and thanked the delivery person with a generous tip and when he’d turned from the door, TJ found Chris standing up, his cheeks slightly flushed.

“Sorry if I got a little carried away,” TJ said, flashing Chris an embarrassed smile.

“No, it’s good. I mean carried away is good, I didn’t mind.” Chris grinned. He stepped forward, nodding at the takeout bags in TJ’s hands. “Should we eat?”

“What? Huh?” TJ tore his gaze away from Chris’ mouth and looked down at the bags he was holding. “Yes, we should definitely eat. Kitchen or couch?”

Chris rubbed a hand across his chin thoughtfully. “Couch. We can watch a movie while we eat.”

TJ exhaled, releasing a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and set the bags on his coffee table. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll grab some drinks, what would you like?”

“What do you have?”

“Well, nothing alcoholic—”

“TJ, that’s _fine_. I didn’t expect you to. I’ll just take a Coke if you have it.”

“I do. I’ll be right back,” he promised, disappearing into the kitchen.

When he returned with their glasses of soda, Chris had already opened the takeout containers and had a bite of chicken balanced on his chopsticks. He paused, the chopsticks halfway to his mouth. “Sorry, I couldn’t wait.” Chris shoved the chicken into his mouth and chewed quickly and swallowing. “Wow, you weren’t kidding, this is awesome.”

TJ shrugged, joining Chris on the couch. “It’s the best place that delivers. There’s a little place a few blocks over that only does dine-in, now their food is _really_ good.”

“Maybe we can go sometime?” Chris asked.

“You’d want to?”

“Why not. If you say the food is good, I believe you.”

“Sure, it is good. _Excellent_ even. But why wouldn’t you just check it out on your own?”

Chris looked at him incredulously. “Well, for one thing I _like_ spending time with you. I hoped we could do more of that. And for another thing, you haven’t told me what the name of the place is.”

TJ took up his own set of chopsticks and followed Chris’s example, trying a bite of his food before speaking. “I’d love to go there, with you, sometime Chris.”

Chris smiled around a mouthful of rice and reached for the remote again. “We’re still not watching one of my movies.”

They settled on watching a _Twilight Zone_ marathon instead, the black and white images holding their interest as they ate.

When they’d eaten their fill, Chris leaned back with a contented sigh, bracing his arms behind his head.

TJ stood and started closing the containers and balancing them on one arm to put away in the fridge.

“You need help cleaning up?” Chris asked, sitting forward.

“Nah, I’ve got it under control. I’ll be right back.” Leaving the fortune cookies on the table, he took the rest of the food to the kitchen, easily finding room for it in his mostly empty fridge.

When TJ returned to the living room, he found Chris covered in the brightly colored blanket he’d brought. He stopped and laughed softly at the sight of Chris curled under the blanket like a small child.

“Are you going to stand there and laugh at me or are you going to join me? It’s nice and warm under here,” Chris said, lifting a corner of the blanket and patting the spot next to him in invitation.

The blanket was bigger than TJ had first thought; long enough to cover Chris from foot to neck and wide enough for both of them to fit underneath.

He sat down, letting Chris drape the blanket over him. It _was_ warm, whether it was from the blanket, or Chris’ body heat, TJ couldn’t tell.

The _Twilight Zone_ still played on the TV but it was no longer TJ’s main focus. He sighed when he felt Chris’ hand sneak under his shirt, coming up his back and resting there for a moment before stroking along the line of his spine. It didn’t take long for Chris’ gentle movements to send a pleasant shiver though his entire body.

As Chris moved his hand to TJ’s neck and dragged him closer, TJ turned his head and they came together in a gentle kiss. The kiss was slow, open-mouthed and TJ let his eyes drift shut half way. He still wanted to see Chris as they tasted each other, to watch him. His hands roamed across Chris’ broad chest, his fingers dancing over the smooth muscles there.

Chris kept his hand at the nape of TJ’s neck, his fingers buried in the hairline while he kissed the corner of TJ’s mouth, letting his lips drift from there to the soft skin behind TJ’s ear as he brought his other hand up to cup TJ’s cheek, his thumb caressing along the jaw line.

TJ ran the tips of his fingers along the curves and lines of Chris’ muscles, drawing patterns over his skin beneath his shirt. They were in no hurry to take this anywhere, they weren’t rushed or hurried, they just traded lazy kisses, exploring and discovering each other as if they were in their own little world that only extended as far as TJ’s couch and Chris’ hideous blanket and the TV playing _Twilight Zone_ in the background.

Chris brought TJ’s hand up to his mouth, kissing every one of his finger tips, his blue eyes locked onto TJ’s’. Letting TJ’s hand fall into his lap, he laid his forehead against TJ’s and their lips melted into another slow, languid kiss.

TJ didn’t know how long it lasted, maybe only seconds, maybe hours, it was hard to tell as Chris’ lips went wandering along his jaw line, over his throat, down to his collarbone only to return up to the side of his neck by his ear before returning to nibble and lick at TJ’s lips.

TJ felt strong hands grasping his waist and shifting him around so that he came to rest on top of Chris. He wedged a knee between Chris’ legs and Chris’ hands rested just above the waist of his jeans and there was no hiding the fact that they were both hard.

TJ arched his back against Chris’ hold, rubbing his body slightly against Chris’ as they kissed again. TJ let his teeth graze along Chris’ bottom lip and felt Chris’ hands flex and tighten in response, pressing him closer, both of them wanting more friction.

TJ wasn’t in a hurry, the pleasant warmth spreading through his body, pooling in his stomach was a welcome sensation. He wasn’t desperate or drunk or high and he wanted nothing more than to enjoy the moment and whatever it brought.

Their kisses were soft and insistent and after a few minutes, Chris flipped them over, coming to rest between TJ’s legs, one arm encircling TJ’s back. TJ could feel Chris’ hand pushing up his shirt to run fingers along his spine again. In response, he pushed his hips up, circling them against the press of Chris’ hard cock, enjoying the friction through the denim.

When Chris pushed back, ever so slightly, TJ’s breath hitched and he moved a hand up to grasp at Chris’ hair, tangling his long fingers in the soft hair at the back of Chris’ head.

Chris dipped his head down and sucked a kiss against the hollow of TJ’s collarbone, causing a small moan to escape his lips. Reaching up with his free hand, he found Chris’ hand dug into the couch above their heads. Their fingers brushed together and entwined as both of their lazy thrusts began to grow more intense.

Chris’ lips found his again and this time it was Chris who groaned into the kiss. Pulling back slightly, Chris looked at TJ, his blue eyes dark with lust. “ _TJ_ ,” he said, his voice thick and low. “I want you.”

His words sent a shiver down TJ’s spine and he felt his cock twitch in the tight confines of his jeans. “I want you too, Chris.”

“Then let’s do this the right way, not on the couch like a couple of fumbling teenagers. I think we’re both past that stage,” Chris said.

They both got up, Chris standing first, not letting go of TJ’s hand, not even to try and press down the obvious bulge in his pants. TJ led the way to his bedroom, and Chris followed, trailing a step behind like an overgrown puppy. TJ held back a laugh, marveling at how Chris could be so sexy and so cute at the same time.

Once they were on TJ’s bed, things seem a little more real. They were here and _together_ and this was happening.

Chris let go of TJ’s hand just long enough to quickly strip off his shirt and jeans, leaving only his boxers.

TJ watched, admiring Chris’ impressive muscles and let out a small laugh.

“What?” he asked, looking hesitant.

TJ shook his head. “You. Just you.” He gave Chris’ torso an appreciative glance. “I mean, wow…”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Chris said, smirking as he reached for the hem of TJ’s shirt.

He caught Chris’ wrist playfully. “No way, you think I’m going to get naked now? I mean look at you! I can’t compete with that.” He gestured towards Chris’ well-defined chest and abdomen.

There was a wicked glint in Chris’ eyes as he looked down TJ’s body, skimming his hands along TJ’s sides as he gently pushed him back onto the mattress. “We’ll see about that,” he said before planting a teasing kiss on the exposed skin above the waist of TJ’s jeans.

Chris kissed his way up and across TJ’s stomach and chest, allowing TJ to drop any pretense of resistance to being undressed.

When all of TJ’s clothes were removed, leaving them both down to their boxers, Chris pressed his lips to TJ’s chest. “You’re incredible,” he murmured, his voice hot against TJ’s skin.

TJ let out a surprised breath as Chris massaged his erection through his boxers. Chris’ fingers through the cotton were enough to send TJ’s hips arching up off the bed, but when Chris slid the boxers from his hips and actually touched his cock, TJ inhaled sharply, his eyes closing at the sensation of Chris’ thumb sliding against the slick pre-come collecting at the tip.

“ _Jesus… TJ_ ,” Chris breathed.

TJ grinned, emboldened by Chris’ words and reached up to tug at Chris’ boxers. They slid down easily, and Chris let out a small moan when they were both _finally_ , entirely, undressed. TJ reached out, wrapping his fingers around Chris’ hard cock, gently squeezing.

“TJ…” Chris said hesitantly. “I’ve never…” His breath hitched as TJ’s hand worked his cock slowly. “I’ve never actually _been_ with another guy before,” he blurted out. “Not like this.”

TJ froze, hoping he didn’t look, or sound too horrified. “You what?” His fingers fell slack, his grip on Chris loosening.

Chris leaned in to plan a small kiss on the corner of TJ’s mouth, his hands still stroking TJ. “I’ve thought about it. Thought about _you_. Because I’ve wanted you since Christmas Eve. I want this. You, here, _now_.”  
  
TJ wrapped his right hand around Chris’ shaft again, _carefully_ , slowly beginning stroke him in a steady rhythm. “You want this? You want _me_ , Chris?”

"Damn it TJ, _yes_." The way Chris said his name sent a hot coil of pleasure to TJ’s abdomen; his cock hard and straining in Chris’ large hands.  
  
Chris pumped his hand faster before he stopped for a moment to lick his fingers, tasting TJ in a curious way that shouldn’t have been hot but was. Incredibly so.  
  
Their lips met once more; Chris losing the last of his inhibitions and moaning into TJ’s mouth over and  _over_ as if it were a hushed prayer. “Please…”

TJ didn’t care about the pulsing irrationality of the feeling that this, Chris being inexperienced, could end badly, could end with one or both of them filled with regret, because there was something primal about the situation, both of them needing and craving exactly what the other was providing.  
  
They breathed with each other. Chris’ exhales were TJ’s inhales. TJ wanted nothing more than to see Chris arch his back and  cry out for  _him_  in ecstasy. Because in that singular moment, Chris was  _his_  and his alone.

Chris closed his eyes and leaned into TJ’s hand, tightening his own grip on his TJ’s cock. “TJ, please. I need…”

TJ felt Chris yield and draw him closer before he whispered, “Anything you want, Chris.”

"Make me come, TJ,” Chris panted. "Please."

TJ didn’t need to be told twice, he caught Chris’ lips in a searing kiss and once more their tongues and lips moved in harmony; their bodies moving in sync.

It was quiet, intimate. All breaths, sighs, and soft moans. TJ knew, if it happened again, it wouldn’t always be like this, but this time, this first time, it was if the world had shrunken down to just their two bodies together in this space, this time, that, for now, belongs just to them.

Chris’ hand tightened on his hip hard enough to leave bruises. “I want you,” TJ told him softly.

He watched Chris as he gripped the bedding beneath them and arched his back one final time in tune with their movements, eyes closing as he came all over TJ’s hand. It was a beautiful sight and his own vision grew hazy as he wrapped his arms around Chris, his own orgasm nearly taking him by surprise.

Reluctantly, TJ moved his hands from Chris’ body, unsure of what would happen next. But Chris didn’t leave, didn’t even move. He simply laid there, chest heaving, eyes closed as a lazy grin spread across his face. He didn’t let go of TJ, only changed his grip, pulling TJ close to his side before pulling the blankets around them. It was well after midnight, they had missed watching the ball drop and had rang in the New Year with their own celebration.  
  
It wasn’t a bad way to start a new year, TJ thought as he let his head rest on Chris’ chest. Chris was already breathing deeply and evenly, sleep only slightly loosening his arm from around TJ’s waist.

Staring into the darkness, TJ fell asleep listening to him breathe, the steady rhythm of Chris’ heartbeat and the rise and fall of his chest lulling him to sleep.

* * * *

When TJ woke up hours later, alone in his bed, the cold winter sunlight streamed through the open blinds. Alone. He was alone. Chris had left sometime while he was sleeping and he was alone.

He considered drawing the covers back over his head and spending the day in bed, but decided against it. Coffee, he needed a strong cup of coffee. This time, not to chase away a hangover but to chase away a sense of regret.

He slipped out of bed and padded barefoot to the kitchen. Wearing only his boxers, he didn’t bother dressing even though goose bumps formed on his skin as he walked through the apartment. He didn’t make it to the kitchen though, he stopped, mid-stride, in the entryway to the living room.

Two things caught his attention, the soft sounds of his piano being played and the smooth curve of Chris’ naked back as he bent over the keys. Chris was still clad in only his underwear, picking out a quiet melody on the piano.

TJ approached slowly, listening to Chris. Without saying a word, he sat down on the piano bench.

Chris startled, his fingers hitting a sour note. He turned his head to look at TJ and smiled. “Good morning.”

“You scared me.”

“Was my playing that bad? I know I’m a little out of practice but I thought—”

“No, your playing is fine. I was just… you weren’t… I woke up alone and I thought…” TJ trailed off, unsure how to explain what he had been thinking when he’d woken up to an empty bed.

“Oh, sorry. You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you, I was _trying_ to be quiet.”

“You didn’t wake me. I just figured you were gone. It wouldn’t have been the first time I spent a night with someone and they snuck out while I was asleep.”

Chris shook his head and drew his arm around TJ’s waist, pulling him close. “I wouldn’t do that. Whoever did that to you was an idiot. You’re just as worth my time this morning as you were last night.” He planted a kiss on TJ’s temple and TJ could feel Chris’ lips curving into a smile.

“Yeah?”

“ _Absolutely_ ,” Chris said. “I’m not going to leave you that easily.”

**Author's Note:**

> _This is a work of fiction. The characters herein are based on real people (in name and appearance only), but the words and events are completely made up. They are not intended to be mistaken for fact, and are not meant to reflect on the actual people._


End file.
